Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Student Member Locke17/Male/United States Groups :iconsonicfansforever: Sonicfansforever
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 598 Deviations 26,295 Comments 14,638 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Activity


    Ahh, up at 1 in the morning on dA, this REALLY brings back some old memories back in middle school....I hated it but I always had my friends to make up for it....a LOT have left but a LOT have stayed and it makes me so happy that these certain people who have helped me realize i can mold myself and that i'm not all that worthless (still am but maybe not as much as I thought i was) 

    Listen, I doubt any of you care or are reading this, but i need to get this out. 
When I started deviantArt, I was a happy child, and i felt those awww days but i always brushed them off no matter WHAT. I had friends to help me with that along with Sonic and dA actually (and YouTube but that wasn't as meaningful as dA) you guys really helped me forget all the bad stuff and in fact, I didn't really pay attention to all that bad stuff........well......times have REALLY changed....I actually realized I was blinded.....by religion! (not Catholicism itself but those who practiced it to a point where they LITERALLY  BRAIN WASH YOU!) Now, i'm not trying to bash the religion, nor am I trying to bash my parents or any others....But I realized now that....you don't HAVE to follow that path, and I always sort of tried to break out of the stuff, but was brought up that it was wrong! Now I see that it's NOT...I still believe there is God...but...I am pretty sure I'm not going to Heaven....I don't want to. I don't want to go to a place where in which if you do not think like the others you are not welcome...NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG I'M NOT SAYING I WANT TO GO TO HELL!! If I do, I go because I held onto my own opinion till the end...I don't think I will, there is another place, a place I've actually always felt dear to my heart in a way even though because of my brainwashing, I wasn't able to fully understand. Under Realm, there are other names for it but I call it that. Now I know for those of you who think I rambling about religion yes I am, but just for now trust me i'm switching topics. In this under realm, I'm not down there for having an opinion, I'm there to do my trials and  then either be reincarnated if I chose, or chill there. Which honestly I'd love to be reincarnated but I won't be ME, it's my spirit but it's not ME and in my opinion, your soul if your life source but its NOT YOU, your memories and experiences are who define who you are. Any who, to wrap it all up, after my trials I'm chilling there and if I'm allowed to I'm gonna haunt people in a good way and I'm gonna see if there is anything I can do to maybe help Gaea, idk if I can but I'd totally try, if not maybe help any other gods. 

    Okay, religious rant over, now onto my life NOW. I honestly DON'T want to be here....that happy go lucky girl....she is slowly fading....it makes me so sad and I try my hardest to hold onto her but....life loves to let her slip from my fingers and the hollow life I have now is left. I want to die, and though my depression isn't as bad as other's, it's getting worse...The fact that I'm fat, my grades, the having to keep the secret that I'm gay to my family (except to those who I accidentally and kind of a little, at least for one and ESPECIALLY MY MOM) and that I'm transgender.....if any more found out before I move out I will probably be kicked out....by my dad....and yeah just shame and shame on top of shame, in which I AM PROUD TO BE GAY but they would literally whip me with words....mother said it's a faze...YEAH BEEN GAY MY WHOLE LIFE, I DIDN'T ACCEPT MYSELF TILL IN BETWEEN 7TH AND 8TH GRADE BUT I ASSURE YOU I'VE HAD THE THOUGHTS OF WANTING TO BE A GUY MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!!! So yeah... 

    Nextly grades, I failed ALL my classes this semester......I'm a fucking failure and I don't want to go back, I'm so scared....I'm terrified........of EVERYONE....and I'm not going to have drama OR being an aide for the only teacher who I feel like they actually CARE other than Mr. Raison the drama teacher............so I'm literally crying because i TRIED and I still FAILED and I just want to give up on life entirely so I won't have to go back........I feel so fucking WORTHLESS and i'm tired of trying just to see the same results.....and my whole life will be filled with getting harder and HARDER.......and the classes go WAY too fast....but since I'm not "mentally challenged" I have to STAY in regular ed classes.....which I hate because, I really am slower than the other kids....I can't even read all that well to be honest, I don't have any disease or anything but....mentally I feel really slow.....and I forget EVERYTHING....and it's so hard to pay attention, my mom keeps saying she'll get me tested to see if I have anything but it's always "later" "later" I mean.......maybe i'm just lazy huh? Maybe that's it, but if that's true then why is it every time I try to pay attention to something, I ALWAYS SPACE OFF! EVEN IF I'M INTERESTED?! But....idk....I'm just lazy......that's it, I'm lazy and I'm a failure....yes 

    FAT. Like the other two, I've dealt with being fat nearly my WHOLE life so far....and even when I try to lose it, it ALWAYS comes back.........it's just so fucked up.....I think I started over eating when I was getting bullied K-4th grade (but it started showing in the 2nd) .....I wish I were more fit.......even if I was only a couple pounds over weight I wouldn't mind, it'd be easier to get on a treadmill and NOT pass out....I can't control myself over food, GOOD food, it's a bad habit......again another thing I'm useless at at.... "oh I bet you're not THAT fat" trust me, I am.......really big........like, i'm not a sumo wrestler, but I'm getting close....so close.......maybe I'm lazy? Yeah, that's it...... 

    So as you can see life, isn't as simple as it was when I first started here....it was a time where I was EXCITED for middle school....wear I didn't SEE problems.....where life was bright and joyess, the time I saw only what was sugar coated....But I guess like the fat ass I am, I ate all the sugar coating and saw what there really is.....and that there is more and worse to come.....This is why I don't want to live anymore.....but......I have to stay, because I met the most WONDERFUL GIRL!!! We call and skype and chat and role play all the time, she is literally PERFECT! And I promised one day her and I would meet. I feel like with her closer to my life, maybe death won't seem as pleasing as it use to. It's not just her though, and VERY close friends keep me here today too....So, if they read this, they know who they are, I'd like to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STAYING IN MY LIFE! THAT GIRL IN NEW YORK, AND THOSE FOUR SPECIAL KIDS WHO TAKE TIME OUT OF THEIR LIVES TO TALK TO ME AT LUNCH, YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN LIFE FOR THE LONGEST TIME AND STILL STAY WITH ME, WHY I WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW BUT YOU DO AND YOU MAKE MY LIFE TEN TIMES BETTER THAN IT COULD HAVE EVER BEEN AND REMIND ME THAT I NEED TO STICK TO LIFE A LITTLE LONGER, AND THANK YOU, ALL FIVE OF YOU, YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND HONESTLY I'D BE DEAD TO DAY, I HONESTLY DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWHERE IF YOU'RE NOT WITH ME AND YOU ALL TRULY ARE MY HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!! 

(this song came on while I wrote the last paragraph on Pandora, and it truly fit the moment in a way, somewhat and i'm sorry I can't stop crying!)

                                                                    
  • Mood: Mesmerized
  • Listening to: HETALIA MUSIC!!!!!
  • Reading: ATTACK ON TITAN MANGA!!!!
  • Watching: HETALIA, YOUTUBE!!!
  • Playing: Right hand or Left?
  • Eating: TITANS AND MOCHIS!!!
  • Drinking: YOUR BLOOD MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Jack by Flameisawesome
Jack
Haven't drawn him in a long while, so here he is

Jack Reaper (C) me~
Loading...
Foxy Line Art(Yarrrrggg, Color me maties~!!) by Flameisawesome
Foxy Line Art(Yarrrrggg, Color me maties~!!)
So I wanted to know if anyone wanted to color this! So please give me credit and give me a link yo your word below so I may see it~! ^^

I DO NOT OWN FOXY
Loading...
    Ahh, up at 1 in the morning on dA, this REALLY brings back some old memories back in middle school....I hated it but I always had my friends to make up for it....a LOT have left but a LOT have stayed and it makes me so happy that these certain people who have helped me realize i can mold myself and that i'm not all that worthless (still am but maybe not as much as I thought i was) 

    Listen, I doubt any of you care or are reading this, but i need to get this out. 
When I started deviantArt, I was a happy child, and i felt those awww days but i always brushed them off no matter WHAT. I had friends to help me with that along with Sonic and dA actually (and YouTube but that wasn't as meaningful as dA) you guys really helped me forget all the bad stuff and in fact, I didn't really pay attention to all that bad stuff........well......times have REALLY changed....I actually realized I was blinded.....by religion! (not Catholicism itself but those who practiced it to a point where they LITERALLY  BRAIN WASH YOU!) Now, i'm not trying to bash the religion, nor am I trying to bash my parents or any others....But I realized now that....you don't HAVE to follow that path, and I always sort of tried to break out of the stuff, but was brought up that it was wrong! Now I see that it's NOT...I still believe there is God...but...I am pretty sure I'm not going to Heaven....I don't want to. I don't want to go to a place where in which if you do not think like the others you are not welcome...NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG I'M NOT SAYING I WANT TO GO TO HELL!! If I do, I go because I held onto my own opinion till the end...I don't think I will, there is another place, a place I've actually always felt dear to my heart in a way even though because of my brainwashing, I wasn't able to fully understand. Under Realm, there are other names for it but I call it that. Now I know for those of you who think I rambling about religion yes I am, but just for now trust me i'm switching topics. In this under realm, I'm not down there for having an opinion, I'm there to do my trials and  then either be reincarnated if I chose, or chill there. Which honestly I'd love to be reincarnated but I won't be ME, it's my spirit but it's not ME and in my opinion, your soul if your life source but its NOT YOU, your memories and experiences are who define who you are. Any who, to wrap it all up, after my trials I'm chilling there and if I'm allowed to I'm gonna haunt people in a good way and I'm gonna see if there is anything I can do to maybe help Gaea, idk if I can but I'd totally try, if not maybe help any other gods. 

    Okay, religious rant over, now onto my life NOW. I honestly DON'T want to be here....that happy go lucky girl....she is slowly fading....it makes me so sad and I try my hardest to hold onto her but....life loves to let her slip from my fingers and the hollow life I have now is left. I want to die, and though my depression isn't as bad as other's, it's getting worse...The fact that I'm fat, my grades, the having to keep the secret that I'm gay to my family (except to those who I accidentally and kind of a little, at least for one and ESPECIALLY MY MOM) and that I'm transgender.....if any more found out before I move out I will probably be kicked out....by my dad....and yeah just shame and shame on top of shame, in which I AM PROUD TO BE GAY but they would literally whip me with words....mother said it's a faze...YEAH BEEN GAY MY WHOLE LIFE, I DIDN'T ACCEPT MYSELF TILL IN BETWEEN 7TH AND 8TH GRADE BUT I ASSURE YOU I'VE HAD THE THOUGHTS OF WANTING TO BE A GUY MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!!! So yeah... 

    Nextly grades, I failed ALL my classes this semester......I'm a fucking failure and I don't want to go back, I'm so scared....I'm terrified........of EVERYONE....and I'm not going to have drama OR being an aide for the only teacher who I feel like they actually CARE other than Mr. Raison the drama teacher............so I'm literally crying because i TRIED and I still FAILED and I just want to give up on life entirely so I won't have to go back........I feel so fucking WORTHLESS and i'm tired of trying just to see the same results.....and my whole life will be filled with getting harder and HARDER.......and the classes go WAY too fast....but since I'm not "mentally challenged" I have to STAY in regular ed classes.....which I hate because, I really am slower than the other kids....I can't even read all that well to be honest, I don't have any disease or anything but....mentally I feel really slow.....and I forget EVERYTHING....and it's so hard to pay attention, my mom keeps saying she'll get me tested to see if I have anything but it's always "later" "later" I mean.......maybe i'm just lazy huh? Maybe that's it, but if that's true then why is it every time I try to pay attention to something, I ALWAYS SPACE OFF! EVEN IF I'M INTERESTED?! But....idk....I'm just lazy......that's it, I'm lazy and I'm a failure....yes 

    FAT. Like the other two, I've dealt with being fat nearly my WHOLE life so far....and even when I try to lose it, it ALWAYS comes back.........it's just so fucked up.....I think I started over eating when I was getting bullied K-4th grade (but it started showing in the 2nd) .....I wish I were more fit.......even if I was only a couple pounds over weight I wouldn't mind, it'd be easier to get on a treadmill and NOT pass out....I can't control myself over food, GOOD food, it's a bad habit......again another thing I'm useless at at.... "oh I bet you're not THAT fat" trust me, I am.......really big........like, i'm not a sumo wrestler, but I'm getting close....so close.......maybe I'm lazy? Yeah, that's it...... 

    So as you can see life, isn't as simple as it was when I first started here....it was a time where I was EXCITED for middle school....wear I didn't SEE problems.....where life was bright and joyess, the time I saw only what was sugar coated....But I guess like the fat ass I am, I ate all the sugar coating and saw what there really is.....and that there is more and worse to come.....This is why I don't want to live anymore.....but......I have to stay, because I met the most WONDERFUL GIRL!!! We call and skype and chat and role play all the time, she is literally PERFECT! And I promised one day her and I would meet. I feel like with her closer to my life, maybe death won't seem as pleasing as it use to. It's not just her though, and VERY close friends keep me here today too....So, if they read this, they know who they are, I'd like to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STAYING IN MY LIFE! THAT GIRL IN NEW YORK, AND THOSE FOUR SPECIAL KIDS WHO TAKE TIME OUT OF THEIR LIVES TO TALK TO ME AT LUNCH, YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN LIFE FOR THE LONGEST TIME AND STILL STAY WITH ME, WHY I WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW BUT YOU DO AND YOU MAKE MY LIFE TEN TIMES BETTER THAN IT COULD HAVE EVER BEEN AND REMIND ME THAT I NEED TO STICK TO LIFE A LITTLE LONGER, AND THANK YOU, ALL FIVE OF YOU, YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND HONESTLY I'D BE DEAD TO DAY, I HONESTLY DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWHERE IF YOU'RE NOT WITH ME AND YOU ALL TRULY ARE MY HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!! 

(this song came on while I wrote the last paragraph on Pandora, and it truly fit the moment in a way, somewhat and i'm sorry I can't stop crying!)

                                                                    
  • Mood: Mesmerized
  • Listening to: HETALIA MUSIC!!!!!
  • Reading: ATTACK ON TITAN MANGA!!!!
  • Watching: HETALIA, YOUTUBE!!!
  • Playing: Right hand or Left?
  • Eating: TITANS AND MOCHIS!!!
  • Drinking: YOUR BLOOD MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

deviantID

Flameisawesome's Profile Picture
Flameisawesome
Locke
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
I AM AWESOME!
this is just my backup account i am Shadowandespio

Critiques

AT: Akai x sonic by sira-the-hedgehog

I think this art is amazing! I love it!! Absolutely LOVE IT~! nice job (first critism so yeah...) I love how you drew Sonic and Akai i...

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Groups

Journal History

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconpandorex:
Pandorex Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2014  Student General Artist
c:
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2014  Student General Artist
hi
Reply
:iconjoeycool1210:
Joeycool1210 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014
Happy birthday.
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Student General Artist
THANK YOU!!! (sorry, this is delayed)
Reply
:iconmartinethehedgehog12:
HAPPY B DAY :D
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks a lot! (sorry for the delay respounce)
Reply
:iconmartinethehedgehog12:
martinethehedgehog12 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2014
no problrm! :hug: (that's ok :))
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2014  Student General Artist
^^
Reply
:iconshadythedark:
shadythedark Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hello
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Student General Artist
hey, how you doin?
Reply
:iconshadythedark:
shadythedark Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
been better, not fun dealing with a emo friend
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Student General Artist
i-i see? Well what do you mean by that...?
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconaceofskittles:
AceOfSkittles Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Nichoooleee ;~;
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Student General Artist
no, sorry do i know you??? (i'm sorry haven't been on dA that much)
Reply
:iconaceofskittles:
AceOfSkittles Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Student Digital Artist
It's Peyton (meta/whatever I used to be called) ^^;
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Student General Artist
OMG PEYTON!!!!!!!! OUT OF ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS I REMEMBER YOU THE MOST!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! How's it going dude?! long time no talk!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Student General Artist
hi? (I'm sorry i don't know you? i don't think..wait...)
Reply
:iconmf426:
MF426 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014
Your artwork is nice :)
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you
Reply
:iconferntear:
Ferntear Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you cuz, for da fav^^! *le cyber hug*
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014  Student General Artist
YAY! oh btw, when you coming!!!! My dad said you're coming, WHEN?! YOU HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT!!
Reply
:iconferntear:
Ferntear Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Student General Artist
eep! ^^ 23 I think! I wanna!
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Student General Artist
CAN'T WAIT!
Reply
:iconoxxlucyheartfiliaxxo:
oXxLucyHeartfiliaxXo Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014
jeff x ben *-* dcijnqu :D BTW nice art!:heart:
Reply
:iconflameisawesome:
Flameisawesome Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank u
Reply
Add a Comment: